kale grabbed the glass of water off of the coffee table as he watched her. He hated this, feeling like the bad guy, He remembered telling Jenna once that she was a forever kind of girl… but that he wasn’t a forever kind of guy. Even if she made him want to be, Kale couldn’t deny the fact that he liked his freedom.

His feelings for Jenna were genuine, it wasn’t the fact that she didn’t have anything to offer… it was actually the fact that she had too much baggage. Kale knew that if he got too involved with her he would get sucked into something much bigger than him, and he would be stuck, unable to get out of the complicated webs of a relationship. All of which had happened almost instantly with the girl that sat next to him.

“Jenna… I..” Kale’s voiced trailed off, even though he wished he;d just get it over with. He couldn’t be what she needed, something in him rebelled every time she showed him affection. his mind and body craved her, but something wanted to push her away, and no matter how hard he tried, that feeling never seemed to fade away.

Jenna felt her heart drop.. it just, dropped. She didn’t want to be here. She didn’t want to be here, at all. She closed her eyes, wishing tonight wasn’t real, that it was only a worry or a nightmare that wouldn’t come true but it was real.. and it was happening. Just like it did with Mike. Just like it did with Spencer. And now.. with Kale. Although she was alive, her heart felt dead.. and so did she.

Jenna.. I…

Were those the words that every guy said to her? Jenna I.. I got a girl pregnant.. Jenna I… I’m not the one you should be with.. Jenna I… and now, she was to wait for the reply just to cry, to hear her heart crack just a little more. She’s been through this too many times before to not know what lies ahead. The heartache.. the tears.. the feeling of regret for actually having feelings for a guy..

“I know.” her voice soft, sounding like almost a whisper, her head still hung, she wouldn’t dare look up.. it was hard to breathe already. “I’m an unlovable.” she said, regaining some strength in her voice. “I’m.. I’m not a perfect girl.. actually, I’m pretty fucked up if you ask me,” she stood slowly, her arms crossed, her head finally looking up, straight into his eyes, her watery eyes formed, her conscious told her to hold the tears back. “I have a lot.. a lot of problems.. I cut..” her arms she lifted, slowly turning them over exposing her makeup-less scars. “I cry every night because I don’t know if I’m good enough or worth it.. I, hell, I even threw up every meal I ate, or at least tried to eat, for four years straight because the bullies around me didn’t accept me for me.. nor my size.” she backed up from him, she forced herself to stay strong. She clenched her fists and closed her eyes softly as the first tear dropped. “I’m a little hard to handle and people can’t stand me at times, I guess I have a lot of psychical and emotional bruises and wounds from my past..” His eyes got out of focus, and from that moment she knew what she was about to do was something she was going to hate. Picking up her clutch in one hand, held the dirty ends of her dress in the other. “But here’s the thing…” in her mind the words of the great Marilyn Monroe hit her, and as they did she started to tear harder, her fists stronger than ever.

I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle.

As every word went through her mind, her heart.. she completed the quote, out loud. Her tears like rain. “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” opening her eyes once more, she took a glance at him. A brief glance. And made her way out the door, and once closing it from behind, she took off her heels and ran, she ran and cried. She was done.

posted 3 days ago with 6 notes

#cried. #just cried a lot. #it felt good.